Bouncing Back
Senior Moments is a series of reflections and lessons learned from my life. My hope is that it prompts you to reflect upon your own experiences. What stories do you want to share with your family?
John Denver is one of my favorite singers and his songs often come up in my various playlists. In his song, “Poems, Prayers, and Promises,” he sings, “I have to say it now, it’s been a good life, all in all. It’s really fine to have a chance to hang around…” Hearing it always causes me to pause and wonder if I could describe my own life as “good.” What is a good life anyway?
When I hear “good” what instantly comes to my mind is “easy.” You know, smooth sailing, having it “all” throughout your life. I admit I sometimes look at people I know and think, “Well, their life has been “good.” Realistically, I recognize I don’t know what is beneath the cover.
In my last article, I wrote about forgiving my ex. And indeed, that was a tough one to deal with. We can’t live this long without struggles, disappointments, and grief. But somehow, I have weathered the storm. (Hmmm. Was there another choice?) Looking back now, I see some of the ways I (eventually) met those challenges and obstacles…
In most situations I found it easier to forgive others than myself. A couple of people who worked for me made a point to share how my words helped move them from their own flagging themselves. Some of the things I remember saying to my staff would include, “Well, no one died. We just need to find a way to correct the issue.” I wish that was enough when it came to forgiving myself.
There have been countless times I would kick myself for saying something wrong or saying/doing something stupid. Nothing big, mind you. When the error was MY mistake, I was ruthless. And ‘way over-blown. Other people can be human, but ME!! I want to be perfect. And while I still struggle with my imperfections, I have created a few ways to bring me back to humanness.
I often ask myself, “Well, if so-and-so (a friend) did/said this, how long would you remember it?” Would I even remember “it” the next day? From one to ten, how awful/important is it, really?
One night I was watching one of my cop shows (which I love). They were talking about how much time this person would get for his crime. It finally dawned on me that I was putting a jail sentence on myself for my mistake. What would a judge give me for my “jail” sentence for that infraction? By dwelling on whatever I said wrong, I had was keeping my peace of mind in my own (mind) jail.
Writing in my journal was a critical tool to my survival during rough times. During the toughest of days, as soon as I was done with my journal entry, I felt some relief. In my googling for this article, I discovered a bit of why this was so.
Journaling provides a safe way to express what is on our minds without judgment. It provides a way to release pent-up thoughts and feelings which can help prevent them from spiraling into obsessions or rumination. I recognize that I have less impulse to write, when things are going along fairly smoothly.
I also credit and salute the therapists (one in particular) who walked with me during various times of my life. Talking to an objective person about the deepest parts of what I was going through has also been invaluable in my journey. Through them, I learned a lot about myself and about coping tools that have helped me in approaching future experiences.
And without a doubt, my friends have held me up time and time again. They are truly the family I have chosen myself. I will even take a little credit for selecting them and surrounding myself with good, similarly values-based, people.
I would be remiss if I didn’t mention a personal trait that has also helped me. I’m not sure if I was born with it, or it was strengthened over time—maybe both. And that is I am mostly optimistic. I tend to think situations will resolve with a somewhat positive result or that I will survive the outcome. I also tend to trust people—with the caveat that I have also learned to “read” people quite well.
I agree with the definition that faith is the belief that something is true (now) whereas hope is a belief that something will be true in the future. Although hope can exist on its own, it is often seen as a natural outcome of faith in a higher power (I call it “God”) or a belief in a positive future. I’ll also add that I believe our experiences shape who we become and influence our life’s legacy.
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